Relationship Advice from the Toxic Bachelorette

Red Flag: watches Entourage.
Dealbreaker: has an Entourage.

Red Flag: lol.
Dealbreaker: ;)

Red Flag: "I'm in banking."
Dealbreaker: "I make bank."

Investment advice, update! You win some, you lose some.

Due to the current economic situation, the authors of this blog were forced to do some serious recalculations as to the value of this blog (please see figure 1.2). The graph is a bit complicated, but all you need to take from it is that the new asking price is $8.5 million.

Spotted: Eligible Bachelor

Spotted -- Eligible Bachelor -- wearing a vile of Disarrono around his neck. Inappropriately attired in a bear skin coat, I was unable to communicate properly my approval of such a strong move, but in a moments flash Bachelor let out a loud and abrupt grunt, a la Anthony Hopkins in Legends of the Fall, from which he broke a chalice over the bar, then proceeded to challenge any incontinent females to a pullup contest.

GA does not stand for Georgia: a real conversation between a blogger and a boy (via a phone operator via the computer)

Hi ******, I met you last night at the book store how
are you? ga
	okay (relaying message)
	umm please uhh we re you the one in the
	camouflage vest qq ga
Yes! that was me, did you like it? I liked your
dress! ga
	say umm thank you and i will see you at the bar
	tonight ga
Alright, I will wear a little less than the camo you
saw me in before though if you know what I mean!
ga
	(chuckles)
	umm okay say thank you uhh i will see you there
	uhh and then hang up ga

DEFINITION OF THE DAY

boomshakalaka (interj.) : an expression indicating excitement at the completion of an exhausting, burdensome task.

I can't seem to close my belt buckle all the way....BOOMSHAKALAKA! I GOT IT!!!

Note: this phrase gained worldwide attention in the groundbreaking one-hit-wonder "Whomp (There it Is)" by everyone's favorite group Tag Team. You sports fans out there might recognize it from the video game "NBA Jam" (OH MY, HE'S ON FIRE!), or from the background music on Jumbo Trons everywhere.

By this point, it's become clear that this blog serves many functions. Today, the function of this blog is to alert the world that the expression "boomshakalaka" is BACK! Use it in a sentence before you go to sleep tonight. And tomorrow night. But not the one after, because overuse turns a good thing into crap. That's what she said.

Relationship Advice from the Toxic Bachelorette

Red Flag: watches reality tv shows.
Dealbreaker: was on a reality tv show.

Red Flag: (2:35am): What are you doing for afterhours?
Dealbreaker: (4:15am): u wanna watch a movie?

Red Flag: No collar.
Dealbreaker: Fake collar.

Red Flag: Still goes by his pledge name.
Dealbreaker: Refers to himself in the third person.

Red Flag: Goes to the Smith Point more than three times a week.
Dealbreaker: Goes to the gym more than three times a week.

Red Flag: Does not watch football.
Dealbreaker: Is an Eagles fan.

more to come...until next time.

xoxo
Don't Knock the Scarf

Tote bags and the like

All this Sarah Palin/Michael Phellps/Queen Latifah talk in the media has served to mask a crucial controversy plaguing every English-speaking Dick, Harry, and Jane today: the correct spelling of the abbreviation for the word "totally."

There are two possibilities:

1) Tot. This is correct, if you consider the fact that "totally" begins with "tot." I endorse this spelling.

2) Tote. This is correct, pronunciation-wise. But tote also refers to a small bag, used by the ladies to carry towels and peanut better, etc.

Please take one moment to think about your position on this issue. Thank you for your time.

Steps to Becoming Nate Archibald

Many people have inquired as to how to be Nathaniel (Nate) Archibald for Halloween. Here are a few simple steps to achieving this:

1. Be hot
2. Brood
3. Bitch about Dartmouth
4. Have sex with rich girls and pine over the poor ones
5. Have a sasquatch take you for a ride
6. Lose all financial assets
7. Become a manstitute (e.g. have sex with cougars in exchange for business casual suits)
8. Buy a sleeping bag

DEFINITION OF THE DAY

perpy (adj.): demonstrating the characteristics of one who perpetrates; creeping everyone out.

The blond floozy peeping into the liquor store (sans identification but with a huge bag of pretzels) seemed perpy.

It was perpy when those broads trolled the seventh floor stacks in search of a fat blond mullet.

The police officer found it perpy when the suspect threw his crack rock out of the window of a Greyhound Bus.

IN and OUT (that's what she said)

IN: perpy OUT: pervy

investment advice

for sale: this blog. $12 million, or your best offer.

ways to cheat at cranium

1. discuss the mindmeld beforehand; agree to always list the same three things, no matter the category (i.e. turbo, muscle-t, and jagerbombs)
2. peek during the sensosketch (i.e. left eye closed, right eye partially opened via squint)
3. mouth the words during a humdinger (i.e. my best friend leslie said 'oh she's just being miley')
4. during team gnilleps, come up with a code to hint at what letter comes next (i.e. blink once for the letter "A," open your eyes wide for the letter "T.")

more to come. nah

IN and OUT (that.what's.she.said)

IN: Versace OUT: Moot Court

IN and OUT (that'swhatshesaid)

IN: Dumbledore OUT: Gandolph

Always with Wings

W.F.: What is this?
Dorota: A Kleenex.
W.F: Oh (shrugs and proceeds to blow his nose with an MaxiPad).
Dorota: Teehee.