Saturday, September 26, 2009

Things I Found In My Purse From Last Night

two dice, one penny, a bobby pin, a spongebob squarepants wristband, a laundry charge card, and an elmo "livestrong" rubber bracelet.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Relationship Advice From the Toxic Bachelorette

Red Flag: Sleeps in a bunk bed.
Dealbreaker: "Sleeps" on a water bed.

Red Flag: Wears cargos.
Dealbreaker: Sports cut-offs.

Red Flag: Borderline alcoholic.
Dealbreaker: Sober. For five years now.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Sasquatch of the Week

Sasquatch of the Week pays tribute to those, we feel, embody all that the Sasquatch stands for. Not unfittingly, we are awarding the first ever Sasquatch of the Week award to the original Sasquatch himself, Carter Baizen. No one wants to hear about "not needing material things" from a guy who wears that much product in his hair. For this reason, Carter Baizen is the Sasquatch of the Week.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Relationship Advice From the Toxic Bachelorette

Red Flag: Old Spice.
Dealbreaker: Axe Body Spray.

Red Flag: Has no friends.
Dealbreaker: Refers to his friends as "brahs."

Red Flag: Doesn't like animals.
Dealbreaker: Has a pet hampster.

Red Flag: Doesn't work out.
Dealbreaker: Flexes when he walks by a mirror.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Childrearing Advice

Blair: When the Professor asked what good money was if you couldn't use it to control your "wayward children" he looked right at me. There are over 100 people in that class.

Student: Aren't those the clothes you wore to the bar last night?

Blair: What's your point?

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Hip Hop Log

Dorota: So how's hip hop going?
Blair: Only hip hopped for 15 minutes today - stomach is sore.
Dorota: Drank too much PBR last night?
Blair: No - just been re-working my Tootsie Roll for the finale.
Dorota: And?
Blair: I fell alseep before I could really get it down.
Dorota: You fell asleep?

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Ways to Cheat at Taboo

Due to the wild popularity of our segment on how to cheat at Cranium, we have decided to appease our unethical fan base and provide this follow-up:

Ways to Cheat at Taboo

1) prior to gameplay, arrange the cards in alphabetical order and memorize them. i wouldn't count this as cheating as it feels more like a magic trick than anything else.

2) don't inform any new players of the difference in difficulty between the purple cards and the green cards. but if someone asks about it, PLEASE don't lie. we at sasquatch do not endorse lying. instead say that you're not quite sure, but that the fact that the different colors exist at all must mean something. then change the topic (i.e. is the snapping in the Addams' Family theme song real, or is it pre-recorded on a Yamaha keyboard?)

3) rig an hourglass to move slower (either narrow the tube between the top and bottom, or fill with larger sand particles - BUT DON'T DO BOTH. it will become obv when a couple minutes becomes an hour), and make sure your opponent uses this hourglass to keep your team's time

4) serve gin and tonics (other clear alcoholic drinks will work as well) to your opponents. your team will only be drinking water. NOTE: to make sure no one uses this trick against you, please sniff all opponents' drinks at the outset.

Good luck. And don't forget - it's not really cheating if someone wrote about it on a blog somewhere. Especially a really really famous blog, like this one.