Red Flag: Old Spice.
Dealbreaker: Axe Body Spray.
Red Flag: Has no friends.
Dealbreaker: Refers to his friends as "brahs."
Red Flag: Doesn't like animals.
Dealbreaker: Has a pet hampster.
Red Flag: Doesn't work out.
Dealbreaker: Flexes when he walks by a mirror.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Childrearing Advice
Blair: When the Professor asked what good money was if you couldn't use it to control your "wayward children" he looked right at me. There are over 100 people in that class.
Student: Aren't those the clothes you wore to the bar last night?
Blair: What's your point?
Student: Aren't those the clothes you wore to the bar last night?
Blair: What's your point?
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Hip Hop Log
Dorota: So how's hip hop going?
Blair: Only hip hopped for 15 minutes today - stomach is sore.
Dorota: Drank too much PBR last night?
Blair: No - just been re-working my Tootsie Roll for the finale.
Dorota: And?
Blair: I fell alseep before I could really get it down.
Dorota: You fell asleep?
Blair: http://whatiswrongwithtommcardle.blogspot.com/.
Blair: Only hip hopped for 15 minutes today - stomach is sore.
Dorota: Drank too much PBR last night?
Blair: No - just been re-working my Tootsie Roll for the finale.
Dorota: And?
Blair: I fell alseep before I could really get it down.
Dorota: You fell asleep?
Blair: http://whatiswrongwithtommcardle.blogspot.com/.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Ways to Cheat at Taboo
Due to the wild popularity of our segment on how to cheat at Cranium, we have decided to appease our unethical fan base and provide this follow-up:
Ways to Cheat at Taboo
1) prior to gameplay, arrange the cards in alphabetical order and memorize them. i wouldn't count this as cheating as it feels more like a magic trick than anything else.
2) don't inform any new players of the difference in difficulty between the purple cards and the green cards. but if someone asks about it, PLEASE don't lie. we at sasquatch do not endorse lying. instead say that you're not quite sure, but that the fact that the different colors exist at all must mean something. then change the topic (i.e. is the snapping in the Addams' Family theme song real, or is it pre-recorded on a Yamaha keyboard?)
3) rig an hourglass to move slower (either narrow the tube between the top and bottom, or fill with larger sand particles - BUT DON'T DO BOTH. it will become obv when a couple minutes becomes an hour), and make sure your opponent uses this hourglass to keep your team's time
4) serve gin and tonics (other clear alcoholic drinks will work as well) to your opponents. your team will only be drinking water. NOTE: to make sure no one uses this trick against you, please sniff all opponents' drinks at the outset.
Good luck. And don't forget - it's not really cheating if someone wrote about it on a blog somewhere. Especially a really really famous blog, like this one.
Ways to Cheat at Taboo
1) prior to gameplay, arrange the cards in alphabetical order and memorize them. i wouldn't count this as cheating as it feels more like a magic trick than anything else.
2) don't inform any new players of the difference in difficulty between the purple cards and the green cards. but if someone asks about it, PLEASE don't lie. we at sasquatch do not endorse lying. instead say that you're not quite sure, but that the fact that the different colors exist at all must mean something. then change the topic (i.e. is the snapping in the Addams' Family theme song real, or is it pre-recorded on a Yamaha keyboard?)
3) rig an hourglass to move slower (either narrow the tube between the top and bottom, or fill with larger sand particles - BUT DON'T DO BOTH. it will become obv when a couple minutes becomes an hour), and make sure your opponent uses this hourglass to keep your team's time
4) serve gin and tonics (other clear alcoholic drinks will work as well) to your opponents. your team will only be drinking water. NOTE: to make sure no one uses this trick against you, please sniff all opponents' drinks at the outset.
Good luck. And don't forget - it's not really cheating if someone wrote about it on a blog somewhere. Especially a really really famous blog, like this one.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Spotted: Eligible Bachelor - Valentine's Day Massacre Party
Z.A.: Omg, will you be my Valentine?
me: Z, I wouldn't have it any other way. I was a little hearbroken that J extended this invitation to me.
Z.A.: Well honestly you were my back up....
me: My good luck that some other girl has standards.
Z.A.: Touche.
me: Z, I wouldn't have it any other way. I was a little hearbroken that J extended this invitation to me.
Z.A.: Well honestly you were my back up....
me: My good luck that some other girl has standards.
Z.A.: Touche.
Relationship Advice From the Toxic Bachelorette
Red Flag: Requests a dip in the hot tub.
Dealbreaker: Brags about his above-the-ground pool.
Red Flag: Goes to Confession every week.
Dealbreaker: Takes loose change out of the collection plate.
Red Flag: Forgets his mom's birthday.
Dealbreaker: Has taught his mom to text.
Dealbreaker: Brags about his above-the-ground pool.
Red Flag: Goes to Confession every week.
Dealbreaker: Takes loose change out of the collection plate.
Red Flag: Forgets his mom's birthday.
Dealbreaker: Has taught his mom to text.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
